Having lost 5 pounds in the last month, I am on a mission to eat my way back to the land of healthy curves. High on my list of to-nosh is red meat, nuts and whole milk, as recommended by my doctor. So on Saturday I plopped my booty on one of the two dozen red-vinyl stools bordering the U-shaped counter at The Apple Pan on the Westside. It was a good thing I am a Scorpio because my aggressiveness helped me snare a seat on the busy afternoon in front of the cooks flipping burgers and frying potatoes behind the bricked-off grill. Being the only woman who came alone to the cash-only hamburger joint also helped in that I could squeeze between the couples, families and burly guys. One customer almost caused a minor world war when he vacated two seats for him and a yet-to-arrive friend, right after ordering a drink but before ordering his food, in order to move his car from a no-parking zone. He promised that he'd be back in 3 minutes. As the seconds ticked by, other hungry patrons eyed the seats he asked to be saved. The guy came back right before a waiter behind the counter decided to take away his drink and liberate the seats. Topped with ketchup, mayonnaise, relish and lettuce, the burgers here are so bulky that they can sit by themselves on the counter without the help of any plates to prop them up. While I was munching on my burger a waiter looked at me as one would gaze upon a hungry orphan. Then the waiter pulled a white paper napkin from a dispenser and handed it to me while I was in mid-bite. "Thank you," I uttered, with bulging cheeks. I guess he anticipated the lettuce falling out of the wax paper and mayo smearing my face.
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